“I bet your pre-baby body was slammin.’”
Author: sherlonya
In an open letter to the gentleman who diagnosed the problem with my washing machine,
“Hi! I’m glad that you were able to tell me what the problem is. Thanks for that. I guess that I also appreciate your admiration of my president Pez dispensers. I was less of a fan of the way that you walked around them so that you could fully take them in. I didn’t mind […]
If the news has you feeling terrible #3,
I would advise you to protect your sacred spaces. If that’s your car, then protect your car space. If that’s your morning cup of coffee, then protect that cup of coffee. If that space is your sweet, sweet sleep, I advise you against having erotic dreams about the current president. Trust me on that last… Continue reading If the news has you feeling terrible #3,
In an open letter to Joe Biden,
“I need you more now than I have ever needed you. Can you visit me tonight while I sleep, you know, in my dreams? You can do whatever you want. You can read legislation verbatim. Bring Jill, brush her hair. Anything. You might be the only thing that can stop me from having another dream […]
Staycation
I had forgotten just how much I am a fan of a good staycation. A couple of years ago, I took one at the end of a grueling summer. That one was so sorely needed that it barely counts. Since I bought my car in 2013, I sort of got away from staycations and moved… Continue reading Staycation
In an open letter to the man in the fancy bagel shop wearing black jeans, a light denim jacket with a prominent leather label, and very messy and swoopy hair,
“Bold choices, sir, bold choices. Way to do you, though. Way to do you.”
In an open letter to the notes app,
“Thanks to you, I can remember the open letters that come to me when I am out in the world gawking at innocent people who are out there just trying to live.”
In an open letter to a long-neglected website,
“Funny thing is that I’ve pretty much ignored you for a couple months. Then, I had a technical problem, and now all I want to do is login.”
In an open letter to George Wallace,
“Recent events have piqued my interest in your story. Please do not interpret this as an opportunity to haunt my dreams. Thanks in advance!”
In an open letter to the coat-less woman who whizzed by me on a scooter on a cold, cold day,
“This seemed like a fashion choice. I’m wondering, though if that 3 inches of exposed upper butt was also a fashion choice. My real question, though, is wasn’t that cold? You had both low temperatures and the wind you created going at that bare skin.”