“I sensed a little anger from you because I didn’t move my shopping cart forward when you thought I should. However, your four-year-old’s fingers were a couple inches away from the wheels of the cart, so I decided to, you know, spare his fingers. I’m trying to be a better person, so I not going […]
Author: sherlonya
In an open letter to whomever dropped what appeared to be a super or super-plus tampon in the parking structure a few months ago,
“I still feel guilty for not saying anything. I got paralyzed. I didn’t know what to say. You were at least a floor above me. I hope that you had another one, or at least that were wearing black pants, or that you have someone at your job who slipped you a tampon. I vow […]
In an open letter to the man who asked me whether my son was my boyfriend,
“Basically everything that you said, sir, were inside thoughts that you let out. Especially the part where I informed you that the young man was my son and you responded with, ‘I was thinking he got himself a good looking girl….”
In an open letter to the man old enough to be my father who grabbed my rump during a public event celebrating the eclipse,
“I wish I would have ‘accidentally’ stepped on your foot. Hard. Also, is there no stolen touches etiquette? A more polite way to violate a stranger? Couldn’t you have done with a knuckle graze rather than an actual deliberate squeeze? Also, couldn’t you grab and go rather than stay nearby. Sir, you are disgusting. Additionally, […]
In an open letter to the police officer who pulled up beside me as I walked home in the dark and asked me if I needed a ride,
“Officer, you scared the bejeezus out of me! Also, is that standard protocol?”
In an open letter to the middle-aged man who looked directly at my breasts as I exited the store while he entered,
“Sir, if you are going to unflinchingly make direct eye contact with me after boldly staring at my chest, I am going to unabashedly roll my eyes at you.”
In an open letter to the man with the watermelon belly, seeded, not seedless,
“I did not appreciate that you grunted in disappointment when in response to an aggressive wind I held the hem of my dress. When your disapproving noise caught my attention, I looked at you to find you staring directly at my lap. I did not like that either….”
In an open letter to a gentleman whom I did not call back,
“You know, we all have the experiences that we have. But when I ask you whether you have kids, and your very casually stated response is that you’ve always wanted them, but that you’ve had some abortions and miscarriages over the years, that’s a little much for me….”
In an open letter to potential suitors,
“So, one of the things that I’m assessing is whether or not I believe that, should things get to that point, whether I think you will handle my very expensive bra with care and respect.”
In an open letter to those of you who have been abusing the tanning beds,
“Y’alls legs look like hot dogs.”