“I’m already a skittish driver; that didn’t help. Uh, what I mean is that I hope everyone’s okay; I’m glad there wasn’t a fire; and I hope that both of you are all paid up on your auto insurance. I saw that one coming. Both of you were driving too fast, but turning car, you […]
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In an open letter to public restrooms,
“You chill my soul. I quake in fear whenever we encounter each other. I know that you’re not supposed to sling around the words ‘always’ and ‘never’ in relationships, but ours has never been a healthy one. You always make me worry about my health. I am always concerned by all of those moist surfaces. […]
This might be gross…
Ever since I made my own napkins, I’ve considered making my own hankies or tissues. This is the part where I think that anyone who knows me and has heard me blow my nose just felt their tummies twirl as if they were on a rollercoaster. But the thing is my nose blowing is much… Continue reading This might be gross…
In an open letter to the staff person who seemed to be on duty near the deli,
“So, maybe you were on a break. I don’t know. But that’s none of my business. The part that is my business is that you sauntered over to the other side of the counter and took a few samples…with your gloves on. That’s where my objection comes in. If you’re gonna eat with your gloves […]
In an open letter to the word huckster,
“You are so very underused. I’m going to work toward your revival.”
In an open letter to the hair that had invaded her chin,
“It’s not exactly that I hated you. Actually, you could have stayed if I hadn’t found myself tugging on and playing with you absently as I completed other tasks. Once you were plucked, I realized that you were closing in on an 3/4 of an inch in length. I’d say, then, that we had a […]
In an open letter to her son on his birthday,
“Ten years ago today, I waited to meet you in the hospital as I watch 40th anniversary coverage of the Kennedy assassination. I am so proud of the person you’re turning out to be. Happy birthday!! And, yes, I love you more than I love LBJ.”
In an open letter to Gerald Ford,
“I have been thinking this ever since I visited Grand Rapids. You really knew how to wear a suit. Also, you knew how to bald gracefully, a sign of your character in an age of hair.”
Pumpkin Pie Blondie
I am determined to experience the seasons. I love, love, love summer, and want to make sure that I don’t spend the years waiting and pining for summer and then ignoring what is nice about the other seasons. One thing that I like about the fall season is the abundance of pumpkin-related treats. I’m serious.… Continue reading Pumpkin Pie Blondie