“I can’t help that the texture created by your chemical process reminds me of Muammar Qadaffi.”
Category: hair
In an open letter to Eric Holder,
“I really like all of the hair that grows out of your face, especially your mustache. Your eyebrows, too, are rather appealing. It makes me want to take an Oreo cookie, twist it open and greedily eat the cream. Then I want to take the two wafers and rub them together until they form a […]
In an open letter to the blonde woman in leather pants whose hair was the same color as her ivory sweater,
“I’ll keep this short. Hair mask.”
In an open letter to the woman who have me a card for a hair extensions business,
“Number 1: how much hair do you think I need? Number 2: I had JUST noticed that the edge hair around here was looking rather skimpy….”
In an open letter to her arms,
“Because I need to be decently groomed tomorrow, you are going to get a workout tonight. I will be as quick as I can with the flat iron, but you know how much hair is up there. You can do this.”
In an open letter to Rod Stewart,
“Though, finding myself on the wrong side of this behavior too many times, I am opposed to one stranger reaching out to touch the hair of another without permission. That said, if I ever find myself in close proximity to you, I am going to try to touch your hair. My fingers itch with curiosity….”
In an open letter to the hair that had invaded her chin,
“It’s not exactly that I hated you. Actually, you could have stayed if I hadn’t found myself tugging on and playing with you absently as I completed other tasks. Once you were plucked, I realized that you were closing in on an 3/4 of an inch in length. I’d say, then, that we had a […]
In an open letter to Gerald Ford,
“I have been thinking this ever since I visited Grand Rapids. You really knew how to wear a suit. Also, you knew how to bald gracefully, a sign of your character in an age of hair.”
In an open letter to the man with the Morris Day hair,
“I couldn’t help myself. Your hair caught my eye early this morning. I didn’t want to be all obvious about getting a closer look. I’m afraid that this made me behave in a creepy fashion, inching my car slowly forward and looking at you not by turning my head, but by sliding my eyes over […]