“If you do not go to the gym for a long time, but then go spend 40 minutes on a treadmill constantly playing with the incline and the speed, and then follow that with squats and ab exercises that you used to do but don’ t do anymore, things will hurt. All of the things, to be more specific. If you choose, the next day, to spend 45 minutes on the elliptical machine, then you might be so sore the following day that you go home, get in the bed, and somehow get out of your pants, determined to just stay in the bed. Also, you might want to avoid sneezing and laughing.”