In an open letter to the thick-thighed woman wearing the sheerish gray animal print leggings,

“I have some questions for you. But, the one that stands out to me above all others is whether your red panties were uncomfortable. You see, they left approximately two and a half inches of your upper butt uncovered. You may have some questions for me, based on my penetrating observation, however, I’m more interested in your answers….”

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