In an open letter to the woman who was getting too close to me at Meijer’s,

“You made my whole back side feel jumpy and uncomfortable as if you were back there staging an attack. If you hadn’t been so impatient and wanting to stand in the space where I was already standing, I wouldn’t have spent the few minutes to figure out how best to describe you when I talk about you during the upcoming holidays. However, ‘a drawn, used-up Olive Oyl,’ it is!”

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