In an open letter to herself upon the occasion of the 500th open letter,

“I can’t believe you’ve been doing this for a few years now. Who knew it would go on this long? This whole thing, after all, started as a fling. But what is wrong with you? You are going to lead people to believe that you do nothing but stare at people’s bodies. You do more than that. Sometimes. I look forward to 500 more….”