“….Keep on doing what you’re doing. Your haircut was captivating, danger. I saw it when I was waiting to cross the street. My eyes didn’t make it past your hair. Your salt and pepper was perfectly seasoned. I stared as you passed until I saw the walk sign. I thought about your haircut halfway down […]
Category: open letters
In an open letter to her wrong and uncouth mind,
“Why do you do this to me, fill me up with thoughts that are too strange to ever utter aloud? Why do you get started so early? At least this morning I was in the shower where I could metaphorically cleanse myself while I actually cleansed myself. Give a gal a break, would you?”
In an open letter to this weekend,
“Thank you for helping me feel normal again. I needed you. I enjoyed you. I appreciate you.”
In an open letter to the Internet,
“I don’t know if I have the strength nor the sense of restraint to handle what I came across today. A tumblr called foundingfatherfest? This is the sort of thing that can make days, weeks even, disappear.”
In an open letter to the neighbor swinging his trash bag like a dandy might swing his cane,
“Dude, you are much braver than I am. I sincerely hope that your garbage doesn’t wind up on your head.”
In an open letter to her sweet, sweet son.
“Sweetie, I appreciate your compliments. I love them. They make me feel warm, and like I am, indeed, providing you a decent childhood. However, sometimes your compliments sound a little bit creepy…like this morning when you practically growled at me, “Well…does somebody look pretty this morning.” Your hand was on your hip and you were […]
In an open letter to her sweet, sweet son.
“Sweetie, I appreciate your compliments. I love them. They make me feel warm, and like I am, indeed, providing you a decent childhood. However, sometimes your compliments sound a little bit creepy…like this morning when you practically growled at me, “Well…does somebody look pretty this morning.” Your hand was on your hip and you were […]
In an open letter to Lyndon Johnson,
“I wonder how long you will have this hold on me. It’s getting pretty bad. In addition to re-watching documentaries about you, I have taken to pausing them so that I can look at you in certain moments. Last night there was this picture of you when you were young and thin and I couldn’t […]
In a open letter to a hard-loved pair of jeans,
“We’ve had some good times together. You, sweet jeans, have given me the kind generosity a girl like me needs in the thigh region. Alas, the thighs have taken their toll, and you are now sporting a hole in the upper inner thigh region. It is best for your reputation and for mine for you […]
In an open letter to John and Abigail Adams,
“Thank you for leaving us the spicy hot love letters that you exchanged. I believe I recall one of you saying to the other something about being attracted to each other like magnet to metal. Oh, how I wish I had penned that line. Oh how I enjoy knowing about the passion that you shared.”