“I don’t even know what caused you, but I don’t like the way that you make my life look a little more adventurous than it really is.”
Tag: open letters
In an open letter to myself,
“Listen, you do not need any taffeta. You will never need any taffeta. Don’t buy the taffeta. You’re not even listening to me, are you?”
In an open letter to the old people who aggressively cut me off in the parking lot,
“I’m not going to wish you a serious health problem…just a few days of diarrhea which leaves your tissue-like butt skin raw for a few days.”
In an open letter to her younger son,
“If you are potty trained before you are weaned, it’s going to be pretty hard not to take it personally.”
In an open letter to my younger son,
“That last diaper was a crime! Yet, I’m strangely impressed. In other words, I’ve taken a picture.”
In an open letter to the white haired gentleman in the Toyota Camry,
“What an impressive head of hair. I mean, the rest of us are supposed to keep an eye on the road….”
In an open letter to my nursing son,
“Please don’t squeeze the Charmin.”
In an open letter to kombucha,
“I’m so glad that we can be together again. I’ve missed you.”
In an open letter to new baby,
“Thanks for letting me sleep all night without having to get up to visit the bathroom. What a birthday treat! That very strong wallop you delivered as soon as I did wake up made it feel extra thoughtful.”
In an open letter to my 5 fibroids,
“Hey, thanks to you we got a sneak peek at the baby. Also, thanks for staying the same size. In fact, y’all were down there and I was none the wiser. Keep it up and you’re welcome to stay.”