“I’ve touched on this topic before, and I really think you’re missing an opportunity. Here I sit smelling like…well, I don’t know what exactly I smell like, but it isn’t good. The conditioner I put on my hair has me wanting to run away from my own head. I would love to smell like peaches […]
Category: open letters
In an open letter to people who bemusedly state that they’d like to experience what it’s like to be in my head,
“I am flattered by you. However, I am also a little bothered bothered because each time this idea has been expressed to me, it has come with a distinct, short, time period. You want to spend three and a half hours in my mind….”
In an open letter to Kara Walker,
“You taught me to take advantage of art exhibits as they are available. I had seen your work and meant to return to take a closer look. I will always regret not spending more time among your silhouettes.”
In an open letter to Kara Walker,
“You taught me to take advantage of art exhibits as they are available. I had seen your work and meant to return to take a closer look. I will always regret not spending more time among your silhouettes.”
In an open letter to Netflix,
“Thank you for indulging my want for documentaries. You gave me my Lyndon Johnson obsession as I lay sick falling in and out of sick while you played the story of his life. I thank you for this, specifically, as it has enhanced my life.”
In an open letter to board games,
“You are like that hot neighbor that you just can’t have. You are so close, but I can’t quite reach you. I yearn to spend some quality time with you, dice in hand….”
In an open letter to air conditioning,
“Why do you hate me. I live for the summer. But because of you, I spend a good portion of the summer freezing, and wanting hot tea. This is not what I want. I want a sweaty-dew complexion, and a bit of sweat on my shirt. Allow me this pleasure?”
In an open letter to the chicken in the salad I recently mauled,
“In my hunger, I succumbed to the sweet rush of relief that overtook me as the tines of my pork pushed past your gentle resistance. Inappropriate noises were made.”
In an open letter to her brother on Father’s Day,
“Dude, I have seen you do things that I don’t know that I would have the inner strength, and the grace to do myself. I admire you for this. I hope you have the best of Father’s Days.”
In an open letter to her dad on Father’s Day,
“There is a lot I could say right now, but I will say this–watching you come up with designs for clothing and then making those designs a reality is a lesson in possibilities. I appreciate that. Thanks!”